Saturday 10 January 2009

Not just a doorpost.

This is on my mind, and me being me would like to speak my mind as I often do. I get in trouble for it most of the time, but that is just me. I am as I am and who I choose to be, maybe. 

I have been going out for many years now and have seen all sorts of sights in the nightclub scene. I have also worked on the streets as a medic and am much wiser for it.  I have witnessed young girls sitting in other people's urine. I have seen people walking barefoot in a nightclub where broken glass is smashed everywhere. I have seen perps spiking and innocents baring the consequences. I have seen hopeless desperardo's hitting on people in different leagues and the dangers of strangers in cars. Everything you witness is stored in the back of your memory and used as wisdom, it makes you know how to keep safe whilst having a great night out. 


I have also seen and known doormen.


I mean, as someone out partying hard you have a complete different view of a doorman. They come across as muscle who you dont mess with. You hope they let you in if you are underage, or look young and have no I.D. or if you are dressed too casual. You hope that they never have to throw you or one of your friends out. You are just slightly aware of them and know they are there but enjoy your night regardless usually. Some I know regularly hit on doormen... "door whores" and are not even ashamed of this. They like going to a particular club because they get to say hi and feel special for all of 10 seconds. Likewise there are also clubs you avoid because of the the doorteam who are known for being leary to the woman and violent with the men. 

As for someone who is now with a doorman, my view has changed slightly. I have been stood with the doorteam and seen firsthand the abuse they put up with. The idiots who think they can push and shove their way in. The girls who flutter their lashes with their fake I.D's and tottering heels. The teens who drop a name of another member of the door team hoping to get in for free. I have also stood and watched the door team be undermined by the club management and the repercussions it has on them as affective barriers of security. I have seen doorlads have drinks chucked at them, people pushing and shoving past them. They are spat at, started on, and verbally abused for doing nothing but their job. I have seen them with the ladies, obviously sometimes a perk of the job, but not always. I have seen it get complicated when exe's come in and clash with current's. I have seen them be cheeky to some women only for the other halves to come up later and cause hassle.

So my point.... these lads are not just doorposts. They are not just people who open doors for people or prop doors open with their big heavy frames. They are not just pure muscle towers that refuse to move for anything. They are not steroid freaked meat heads that have nothing better to do than leer at cute ass's. They are not womanizers who will forever go home to an empty house. They are not violent idiots who just want to smash people up for the fun of it. 

They are people! In all fairness my judgement has been altered as I have peeked into their world. I have found people who are the most loving, caring, softest people I know. I have found them to have real values underneath the black uniforms and florescent yellow arm bands. In this world we are so quick to judge based on an opinion we first make. But if we look a little deeper, when the music finishes and the beer stops flowing you realize they are just trying to pay the bills like everyone else. This job has more shit attached than the average, and for that I am glad I know these amazing people and hope to cherish them forever xxx

Respect to all the door men and women out there who make our nights out safer! xx

DG X

Settle?

One of the constant questions my friends ask me since I started seeing my doorlad is this... "will he ever settle down?" They send their doubting looks my way and scoff at how sooner or later I will be chucked aside to make room for someone who want's fun and nothing else. Right now I am up for that. Fun. His last ex was too. For 2 years. Then she wanted to settle down, they split up obviously. She had children to other people and wanted him to be there for her, there on the weekends and be a proper couple. He said that he couldn't give her that and after listening to what she wanted thought they were on a different page to each other so decided to amicably split. Now she has gone a bit looopy, but that's another blog entirely! 

I understand that she wanted him to come off the doors. My doorlad and I have chatted about this, well more like me just asking in bewilderment why she asked that!!! I mean if it is his job, something she knew he did already when she decided to go out with him then she knew what she was letting herself in for. It is hard work, I will readily admit. Its only the same as your other half being a model or a top business man and having to work away a lot?! Being a doorlad makes him who he is. Your job shapes a lot about you. I could never ask him to come off the doors, that would be a selfish, rude and ridiculous thing for me to even contemplate. I can understand why she felt the way she did on the other hand. He works every night of the weekend, he is in an environment where there is sex handed on a plate. He can see someone after work without you ever knowing and join in with the goings on that the other lads get up to! Mischief! But saying all of this, you have to trust and accept it as what it is, a job. Yes, a little different to working in a supermarket but still. 

So my question.... Do doorman ever settle? I know loads of the lads that my doorlad knows. They have families. They are settled. How long did it take them to do so ? Who knows. My doorlad has been round the "settled" route already and got out. Although he still see's his kids and does the daddy thing often enough for me to realize underneath the tough, he is sweet for his little ones. I think he could eventually settle, with me. But i think it takes someone who understands him, his work, the situation of things and what it would mean. He has a very hectic day job too, up and down the country so would he ever see me and the family? Yes I think so. I think that they make time for those most important to them. He does already so who is to say in 5/6 years he is more ready to settle down making him in his late 30's. 

I would never expect him to be in every night. I would never expect him to be around 24/7. Am I lowering my standards when so many other guys out there would be there and do that for me and mine? Well perhaps you think so? But being the independent person I am, I would never rely on another to help me out. If it means I have to raise mine by myself I would do it without a second thought. I am wondering what kind of "wife" it takes for the doorlad to settle. Are they as I am, understanding and just get on with it? Or does it all change once the stick goes blue and 2 becomes 3??? 

DG X

Monday 5 January 2009

New year, New changes???

The new year celebrations were something I have never quite experienced but throughly enjoyable. I went across to my lad's venue to count down the seconds, had a few smooches and then went back across the road to the other venue where he works to party the night away. The other doorlads were very respectful and let him come inside to count down instead of actually on the door. They rolled their eyes and blew kissing noises our way and generally took the piss. But then it would be strange for them not to do such a thing. I met up with my lad after hours and needless to explain we saw the new year in with a bang I will never forget....!


New Year brings new changes, in both our lives. In mine it is a new challenge, in his its a new routine. It is at this time that all the business around Christmas time starts to become a blur and a distant memory. Instead of feeling crappy because your lad is working the door's nearly every night and irritable because of it, you can relax because he is back to his weekend schedules and happier for it. Its the little things you notice at first. The long hours in the cold dealing with complete drunkards are bound to have an effect. Your lad snaps sooner than normal and takes things out of context. He stops texting and then goes nuts when you dont reply to a text he sent an hour ago. But then once he has slept..... all is well in the world of a doorman!! ah bless xxx

Yes it is just a job, but I think people underestimate that this certain job can wear you down in ways that other's just dont. For instance my lad has worked most of the doors in our town for a good 8/9 years now and is well known, well loved, well respected and also well hated. So during the day he is "undercover" as we put it. We go out together in a different town, eat in different places and generally do things away from the people who know his face. None of that bothers me, I am all up for things done out of town. Its new scenery and new adventures. Its not that he is scared, he has explained it to me and I totally agree. He is always watching his back for those he has kicked out previously or had runs in with. When he finishes his shift on a night, he gets into his blacked out 4X4 and picks his woman up, we go get food then sleep... (well sleep comes later ;-)....!) But during the day he is concerned for my protection and those others he is with and is always looking over his shoulder. In another town he relaxes and is himself, the very person that I love being with. So what does 2009 hold for us? 
Who knows, as he puts it...
"Same doors, same shit, different day. "



When he says that, I just hold him closer.



DG X