Not just a doorpost.

This is on my mind, and me being me would like to speak my mind as I often do. I get in trouble for it most of the time, but that is just me. I am as I am and who I choose to be, maybe. 

I have been going out for many years now and have seen all sorts of sights in the nightclub scene. I have also worked on the streets as a medic and am much wiser for it.  I have witnessed young girls sitting in other people's urine. I have seen people walking barefoot in a nightclub where broken glass is smashed everywhere. I have seen perps spiking and innocents baring the consequences. I have seen hopeless desperardo's hitting on people in different leagues and the dangers of strangers in cars. Everything you witness is stored in the back of your memory and used as wisdom, it makes you know how to keep safe whilst having a great night out. 

I have also seen and known doormen.

I mean, as someone out partying hard you have a complete different view of a doorman. They come across as muscle who you dont mess with. You hope they let you in if you are underage, or look young and have no I.D. or if you are dressed too casual. You hope that they never have to throw you or one of your friends out. You are just slightly aware of them and know they are there but enjoy your night regardless usually. Some I know regularly hit on doormen... "door whores" and are not even ashamed of this. They like going to a particular club because they get to say hi and feel special for all of 10 seconds. Likewise there are also clubs you avoid because of the the doorteam who are known for being leary to the woman and violent with the men. 

As for someone who is now with a doorman, my view has changed slightly. I have been stood with the doorteam and seen firsthand the abuse they put up with. The idiots who think they can push and shove their way in. The girls who flutter their lashes with their fake I.D's and tottering heels. The teens who drop a name of another member of the door team hoping to get in for free. I have also stood and watched the door team be undermined by the club management and the repercussions it has on them as affective barriers of security. I have seen doorlads have drinks chucked at them, people pushing and shoving past them. They are spat at, started on, and verbally abused for doing nothing but their job. I have seen them with the ladies, obviously sometimes a perk of the job, but not always. I have seen it get complicated when exe's come in and clash with current's. I have seen them be cheeky to some women only for the other halves to come up later and cause hassle.

So my point.... these lads are not just doorposts. They are not just people who open doors for people or prop doors open with their big heavy frames. They are not just pure muscle towers that refuse to move for anything. They are not steroid freaked meat heads that have nothing better to do than leer at cute ass's. They are not womanizers who will forever go home to an empty house. They are not violent idiots who just want to smash people up for the fun of it. 

They are people! In all fairness my judgement has been altered as I have peeked into their world. I have found people who are the most loving, caring, softest people I know. I have found them to have real values underneath the black uniforms and florescent yellow arm bands. In this world we are so quick to judge based on an opinion we first make. But if we look a little deeper, when the music finishes and the beer stops flowing you realize they are just trying to pay the bills like everyone else. This job has more shit attached than the average, and for that I am glad I know these amazing people and hope to cherish them forever xxx

Respect to all the door men and women out there who make our nights out safer! xx

DG X

Settle?

One of the constant questions my friends ask me since I started seeing my doorlad is this... "will he ever settle down?" They send their doubting looks my way and scoff at how sooner or later I will be chucked aside to make room for someone who want's fun and nothing else. Right now I am up for that. Fun. His last ex was too. For 2 years. Then she wanted to settle down, they split up obviously. She had children to other people and wanted him to be there for her, there on the weekends and be a proper couple. He said that he couldn't give her that and after listening to what she wanted thought they were on a different page to each other so decided to amicably split. Now she has gone a bit looopy, but that's another blog entirely! 

I understand that she wanted him to come off the doors. My doorlad and I have chatted about this, well more like me just asking in bewilderment why she asked that!!! I mean if it is his job, something she knew he did already when she decided to go out with him then she knew what she was letting herself in for. It is hard work, I will readily admit. Its only the same as your other half being a model or a top business man and having to work away a lot?! Being a doorlad makes him who he is. Your job shapes a lot about you. I could never ask him to come off the doors, that would be a selfish, rude and ridiculous thing for me to even contemplate. I can understand why she felt the way she did on the other hand. He works every night of the weekend, he is in an environment where there is sex handed on a plate. He can see someone after work without you ever knowing and join in with the goings on that the other lads get up to! Mischief! But saying all of this, you have to trust and accept it as what it is, a job. Yes, a little different to working in a supermarket but still. 

So my question.... Do doorman ever settle? I know loads of the lads that my doorlad knows. They have families. They are settled. How long did it take them to do so ? Who knows. My doorlad has been round the "settled" route already and got out. Although he still see's his kids and does the daddy thing often enough for me to realize underneath the tough, he is sweet for his little ones. I think he could eventually settle, with me. But i think it takes someone who understands him, his work, the situation of things and what it would mean. He has a very hectic day job too, up and down the country so would he ever see me and the family? Yes I think so. I think that they make time for those most important to them. He does already so who is to say in 5/6 years he is more ready to settle down making him in his late 30's. 

I would never expect him to be in every night. I would never expect him to be around 24/7. Am I lowering my standards when so many other guys out there would be there and do that for me and mine? Well perhaps you think so? But being the independent person I am, I would never rely on another to help me out. If it means I have to raise mine by myself I would do it without a second thought. I am wondering what kind of "wife" it takes for the doorlad to settle. Are they as I am, understanding and just get on with it? Or does it all change once the stick goes blue and 2 becomes 3??? 

DG X

New year, New changes???

The new year celebrations were something I have never quite experienced but throughly enjoyable. I went across to my lad's venue to count down the seconds, had a few smooches and then went back across the road to the other venue where he works to party the night away. The other doorlads were very respectful and let him come inside to count down instead of actually on the door. They rolled their eyes and blew kissing noises our way and generally took the piss. But then it would be strange for them not to do such a thing. I met up with my lad after hours and needless to explain we saw the new year in with a bang I will never forget....!

New Year brings new changes, in both our lives. In mine it is a new challenge, in his its a new routine. It is at this time that all the business around Christmas time starts to become a blur and a distant memory. Instead of feeling crappy because your lad is working the door's nearly every night and irritable because of it, you can relax because he is back to his weekend schedules and happier for it. Its the little things you notice at first. The long hours in the cold dealing with complete drunkards are bound to have an effect. Your lad snaps sooner than normal and takes things out of context. He stops texting and then goes nuts when you dont reply to a text he sent an hour ago. But then once he has slept..... all is well in the world of a doorman!! ah bless xxx

Yes it is just a job, but I think people underestimate that this certain job can wear you down in ways that other's just dont. For instance my lad has worked most of the doors in our town for a good 8/9 years now and is well known, well loved, well respected and also well hated. So during the day he is "undercover" as we put it. We go out together in a different town, eat in different places and generally do things away from the people who know his face. None of that bothers me, I am all up for things done out of town. Its new scenery and new adventures. Its not that he is scared, he has explained it to me and I totally agree. He is always watching his back for those he has kicked out previously or had runs in with. When he finishes his shift on a night, he gets into his blacked out 4X4 and picks his woman up, we go get food then sleep... (well sleep comes later ;-)....!) But during the day he is concerned for my protection and those others he is with and is always looking over his shoulder. In another town he relaxes and is himself, the very person that I love being with. So what does 2009 hold for us? 

Who knows, as he puts it...

"Same doors, same shit, different day. "

When he says that, I just hold him closer.

DG X

Sex and Violence.

It is true what they say. Sex and Violence go hand in hand. My man had to throw some stupid heads out of his club, and being HD obviously enjoys being in charge and the one who says who comes and goes. Now during the day he is soft and endearing, at night time he is more rougher around the edges.... just the way I like him!! He picks me up and we end up having amazing passionate embraces (haha!) in his car. He flashes me his cheeky grin and says.... what are car's designed for.... as he winds my seat back so I am nearly laid down. He is a passionate considerate lover and I have absolutely no complaints in that area. I am always satisfied. 

Why does it turn him on more when we are rough? When he has been in fights earlier "sorting things out" as he puts it, he is more ready for it.  The lads like a bit of kick and bang he says. It turns me on watching him throw idiots out, those that deserve to be landed on their ass. I watch on with a morbid fascination. That is my man I am looking at.... maybe its a power trip? who knows. I watch as another pisshead tries and fails to take him on, thinking he is bigger than my lad. My lad outsmarts him and is built for the kind of shit he is trying on. Knowing that later he will take me roughly and then kiss me tenderly makes me completely and utterly his. I am under his spell. 

I wish he was here for round 2. !! 

DG X 

The Ex Files.

Its a little bit embarrassing when your in a club and you bump into your fella's Ex without realizing! Well thats what this weekend brought for me!! There were about 5 or 6 ladies in this group that walked past me and then turned round to look again and grace me with a black look! Thankyou very much!! I only realized after they went onto the dancefloor that I recognized one in the group and realized that the one that fit his description was his Ex. 

It didn't bother me much. I mean it was a little unpleasant but then it was bound to happen one day??!! She is barred from every club at the top end of town, because he is well respected by the lads and has worked most of the doors in that area. She has been spreading all sorts of nonsense about him, telling "her side of the story" as she puts it. Silly things like, he dumped me, he cheated on me with flings, he was possessive, etc etc. So she is barred, and quite obviously not very happy about it. But she managed to get into this particular club because there were new lads on that didn't know. I love this club, its one of my favourite venues (my lad works here one night a weekend) I always come here with the girls and we love it. The doorteam are lovely and always say hi, have a laugh and it makes you feel comfortable knowing that if anything kicks off then they are there. I enjoyed my night none the less and went onto another club to dance the hours away.

It makes you think though. They were together for 2 years on and off and then she wanted more and to settle and he didn't. She seems a nice girl, apart from the spreading rumours bits. My fella told me that her and her mates used to come out into town, come into the bars/clubs he worked in then go elsewhere and come back to the bars/clubs and wait for him to finish. I was shocked a little at this. We chatted about it in the beginning and I thought it was a little intrusive to go to his workplace and wait for him there. He always used to come and say hello to me if I was out before I started seeing him. But I wouldn't ever think it okay to go to his bar/club and sit there waiting for him to clock off. So he texts when he has done and finds out what I want to do, if I am dancing, drinking still, or hungry etc etc. Then we meet. But from what he tells me, he likes to chill with the other doorlads and wind down a bit. He goes onto this hangout with the rest of them til the early hours which is fine by me, he has his space, I have mine. 

Usually the things you find out about Ex's might make you jealous or insecure even. The things I have found out about a lot of his Ex's just shock me! I actually feel quite respectful and modest compared !! We have an understanding and as far as I can tell its a good one. There is a little tiny part of me that gets a little "miffed" when I am in a club and I am dancing and I catch him stood working and a pretty girl walks past, and he gives her a cheeky grin. I dont know why really. Maybe its because he gives me the same cheeky grin and I wish it was only me that made him do that?? Maybe I wonder what he does when i am not there? Maybe its just my Green Eyed Monster trying to peek out.

But one thing is for sure, I have to trust him. Even if my GEM does try and sneak a peek I have to remind myself that he is with me and whatever happens at work is just work. Its what happens outside of the night scene that counts. Its the random texts he sends when I walk past and he is parked up. Its the cheeky comments that make me giggle. Of course its the passion, lust and affection that happens during the daytime that really matters. I refuse to turn like all his other Ex's into that person that sits across from the door or even stands on the door with her doorlad and keeps a watchful GEM eye on him and the girls walking past!! That just ruins things.

DG X

Space.

So he asked for space. Which is fine with me. I believe that if you give someone the thing they ask for then they return the respect at a later date. I have always been able to give room, respect, space whatever and never taken it personally. Sometimes a person just needs to chill out. They need time to just be. He said he has been tired, (I guess in this party and work do season we forget about the people working in the madness) he said he has not been well and just needed space if I didn't mind. Which I didn't.

He has been much better in texts and not so short and to the point as previous. I went for a few pre festive drinks with friends tonight. Sat in the club he works in I watched as drunken women felt his massive arms and hung off his neck. He looked a little uncomfortable as he obviously thought I would be watching a pissed. He tried to unhook them from his side with not much success. It made me laugh really! I mean what do they look like trying it on with the doormen! He glanced nervously over at me and I just smiled and gave him a cute look. He looked relieved!

I went home early and started the mammoth task that is wrapping presents for me, mine and the worlds. He gave me my presents which I  was determined not to open but have done.... well its nearly xmas!! I got a gorgeous white gold diamond ring and a stunning designer watch. Was a little freaked out about the ring, but he never proposed so is all good!! I mean I think the world of him and he is lovely, but its a bit soon for that! Given our previous marital history I don't think it is wise for either of us to move into anything fast! Anyway I am really happy with my gorgeous gifts and think that he probably wouldn't of spent that much on someone he just wanted to have on his arm as a bit of a candy? Would he?

Space can sometimes benefit then is the conclusion of this post!! Not only do the presents tell but its true that absence makes the heart grow fonder. I remember when ages ago when we just used to text and meet over coffee he always seemed eager and excited to spend time with me and to receive texts etc. I want to get back to that. Too much of a good thing makes you forget what it was in the first place that made it good. So signing out until after Xmas xx

DG x 

Constant source of embarrassment.

Seemingly, that is what I am ?? !! I started seeing a really nice lad about 5months ago. I had known him for about a year and had a occasional friendship more over coffee than picking out new carpet together. He has a sweet heart, cheeky grin and a wicked personality that comes with a completely stunning body. Yes mr perfect?? Well perhaps??

I didn't know he was a doorman for a long time, I met him during his day job under unfortunate circumstances. Then I saw him out and about working one night out with the girls. We exchanged numbers and text each other over the space of months. Then we started seeing each other. We get on great but somehow I always seem to mess up and have no idea how !! Its no problem to me that he is a doorlad.... its only another job and although there is a lot of stereotypical nonsense that comes with it, he is still a real person and still has to pay the bills.

I have found myself plunged into a different world where there are rules on how to speak, how to dress and how to behave. I am intrigued on what this entails and although finding out the hard way, I am hoping that I can somehow "get it right" and not be a constant source of embarrassment. So anyone out there who has idea's or thoughts.... share!!

I am in trouble if I chat to the other doorlads. I am in trouble if I say to the other doorlads "dont talk to me cos I will get in trouble!" I am in trouble if I dont talk to the doorlads!! I am in trouble if I insinuate anything that could show my doorlad up or embarrass him!! I am cheeky, opinionated, quick, independent, strong willed and always banter back.... perhaps this is a bad thing??!! But my lad has said that this is what he likes in me. Although I have that side, I also have a softer, more girlier, compassionate side to me that hardly comes out unless we are alone. Do doormen want a trophy girl? Do doormen like a strong woman? These thoughts make my brain dizzy! 

DG X